If Moses and co. escaped in an Ertiga…

A few thousand years ago, a great biblical figure was born unto us. No, not the Messiah. I’m talking about Moses (no surname). A man of little words because of his speech impairment, but a staff wielder like few. Moses had not had the easiest of upbringings, but the Hebrew who was sent away as a baby like Superman grew up as the Pharaoh’s daughter’s adopted son.

As Moses grew older, he later learned from his real mother (I’m not getting into the intricacies) who he really was and he begrudged the Egyptians for treating his people like that. One day Moses flipped and killed one of the Egyptian soldiers, but had to flee for his life. After years of being on the run, he one day stumbled across a burning bush and a voice (God’s voice) commanded him to free the Israelites from Pharaoh’s servitude.

Long story short, Moses did so and escaped with his people. Pharaoh’s soldiers gave chase but drowned in the Red Sea.

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Image: MotorPress

But what if…

Right, so what’s all this got to do with the Suzuki Ertiga? Well, numerous publications refer to the Ertiga as a people mover. As an uber, if you will. True, the vehicle does have ample space and seating for seven, but sometimes a greater bit of context is needed to truly understand just how much space it has.

Bear with me for a moment and let’s blend past and present for a few seconds. If Moses turned up in Egypt with a 2019 Ertiga, he would surely have been the talk of the town. While everyone is slaving away and the soldiers are doing their rounds, Moses would be cruising by in an air con-rich car. People passing out because of heatstroke next to him, but he’s all cool inside while making his way to the palace. I also don’t think he’d be speeding, no. He’ll drive comfortably with his brother Aaron in the passenger seat, cranking up the beat.

I assume that Moses would not have spared the expense of acquiring the Ertiga GL, because the comfort levels in this car it is well worth the price. More than! I’ll admit, the multimedia system is not the best on the market, but the recently-launched Ertiga GLX rectified the matter.

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Image: MotorPress

Packing everyone up

According to the Bible, Moses had several failed attempts at convincing Pharaoh to let his people go, but the ruler eventually agreed to set the slaves free after the death of his son. But now Moses has a problem because the Ertiga can’t fit more than seven passengers and there are thousands of freed slaves!

Damn, what a time to be alive, hey Moses…

But let’s assume that Moses came for only five people, of which one is a little baby. So it would be Moses, Aaron, and the five other passengers. With all three rows of seats erected, boot space is a shallow 153L. With the third row down, it’s 550L, and 803L when the second row is down, too. But Moses does not have the luxury of boot space right now. He needs to get his people in the car before Pharaoh changes his mind!

He grabs the child seat and fixes it to one of the rear seats. Everyone is in, the baby is tied down, and some water, salty cracks, and biltong are stored in the boot. It’s almost as if I can hear Moses clapping his hands to speed up the process because saying the words will take too much time. Everyone in and the Ertiga loses none of its ground clearance. 180mm strong, because the slaves are underfed.

But they’re off and Moses speeds away without looking back!

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Image: MotorPress

Eager little engine

Just as Moses steers the Ertiga out of the city, he hears the horns howling. He glances in his rearview mirror and sees a battalion of Pharaoh’s soldiers rushing through the city gates. Moses slams on the accelerator and the Ertiga reacts immediately! This is a great attribute of the vehicle’s engine: always eager to work in even the most difficult of circumstances. While the soldiers are whipping away on their horses, Moses cogs down to fourth gear; unleashing all 138Nm as the rev needle chases the redline.

The 1.5-litre petrol engine is not fitted with any form of forced induction, but the 77kW it produces seems to be holding up quite well. Across the barren landscapes, Moses drives like a rally driver: flat foot and undeterred by the uneven terrain. Luckily, Baby’s fast asleep as the coolness of the air con brushes off his face.

REVIEW: Suzuki Jimny, you legend!

Unexpectedly, an obstacle. It’s the Red Sea! Moses motions to Aaron that he should drive. The two switches seats and Moses winds down the electrically-powered window. He stretches his arms out and keeps his staff above his head. Suddenly the waters open up and a dry path appears for Moses and co. to drive on. Aaron wastes no time and slams on the accelerator. He works the five-speed manual gearbox, maxing out at 175km/h. There’s no time to stop! As they reach the halfway point, Pharaoh’s soldiers make their way between the water walls.

But they’re too late! Moses and his passengers have already made it to the other side. The leader of the free folk rests his arms and they watch as the soldiers are engulfed by the water.

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Image: MotorPress

In summary

The Suzuki Ertiga might not be everyone’s first choice when it comes to buying a new vehicle, but the overall package it offers has to be commended. At R241 900 for this 1.5 GL manual, you’re treated to a lot of vehicle. Value for money? It’s right up there.

This is in no way a factual representation of Moses’ journey, as described in Exodus.